Free Republic

The Worcester (England) town council ordered Bill Malcolm to remove the barbed wire fence he had installed around his garden and shed. Malcolm had installed the three-foot barrier as a deterrent to thieves who had stolen $500 worth of produce and tools from his garden plot on three different occasions over the last few months. The council condemned the wire barrier as a health and safety hazard and warned him they would use force to remove it if he did not “voluntarily” comply with their decree. “Thieves are people too,” explained Councilwoman Margaret Simpleton. “They have families to feed and...

Politics has become a weird hybrid of policy and entertainment. Today's politicians worry just as much about the content of their message as how they perform on camera. Has this melding of theatre and politics gone too far? See in today's "Geeks On Caffeine" cartoon! NOTE: The author of this comic requests that you visit his web site and please refrain from copying and pasting it within this thread. Thank you!

The US should immediately pull out of Chicago ! Body count -- In the last six months 292 killed (murdered) in Chicago , 221 killed in Iraq . Sens. Barack Obama & Dick Durbin, Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., Gov. Rod Blogojevich, House leader Mike Madigan, Atty. Gen. Lisa Madigan (daughter of Mike), Mayor Richard M. Daley (son of Mayor Richard J. Daley).....our leadership in Illinois.....all Democrats. Thank you for the combat zone in Chicago . Of course, they're all blaming each other. Can't blame the Republicans, there aren't any!!!! State pension fund $44 Billion in debt, worst in country. Cook...

Finally the iPhone unleashed! Break away from the stranglehold Jobs & Co. have on you and your iPhone. Download and install the software you've really been wanting to use. Never again suffer from "windows" envy or be ridiculed for having a small software repository. Upgrade NOW to the NEW, Dual Boot Windows iPhone Mobile...Coming in Jan. 09.

West Palm Beach—In yet another West Palm Beach political scandal, Rep. Tim Mahoney, D-FL, has been caught with his pants down, forcing him to question the media’s bias and patriotism in reporting the story. The affair between Mahoney and Allen allegedly began in 2006 when he was campaigning against Mark Foley, R-FL, on the promise of “a world that is safer, more moral.” Mahoney, of course, slid into power after the Mark Foley scandal rocked Washington, D.C. Mahoney first met Allen at a campaign stop and later arranged for her to work as a volunteer on the campaign, according to...

In a bid to reduce the impact of what it called “premature immartyrations,” the Hamas terrorist organization in Palestine is now offering jihad instruction online. “When the jihad trainees are all working together in a classroom, one mistake can take out a dozen potential suicide bombers,” complained the school’s headmaster, Ihkil Uhal. “By keeping the trainees offsite we will limit damages. Only the errant student will be at risk. And our precious instructors will be spared.” Online students are encouraged to use public access computers, preferably ones located inside Israel. An application for funding to purchase laptop computers has been...

FUN WITH ANAGRAMS

In what MSNBC’s Chris Matthews described as the coup de grace to the McCain campaign, Democratic presidential nominee, Senator Barack Obama (Ill), disparaged the GOP presidential nominee’s touting of his bipartisan credentials as “irrelevant.” “I can see how a desperate John McCain feels he must advertise his record of crossing party lines to work with Democrats,” Obama said. “After all, if he were to be elected president he’d have to work with Democratic majorities in both houses of congress. That same handicap wouldn’t hamper an Obama Administration. With these Democratic majorities, I will be able to implement my agenda without...

As soon as I saw the title of this DUmmie THREAD, "Message from Hopi Elders," I just knew I had to DUFU it. The reason is that almost four years ago, a similar thread titled, “A DUer's Wakeup Prayer -- The Hopi Elders Speak," featured in this DUmmie FUnnies EDITION turned out to be one of our most popular DUFUs ever. So why argue with success? Therefore let us now watch the DUmmies react to a message from the Hopi Elders in Bolshevik Red while your humble correspondent, who once turned over a few bucks to a Navajo Elder...

Sure Darth Vader is evil and a dark Sith lord, but he gets results! Is this a good reason to vote for him? It depends on your perspective... NOTE: The author of this comic requests that you visit his web site and refrain from copying the cartoon within this thread. Thanks!

In remarks made on a CNN broadcast, Democratic Party strategist James Carville warned voters to “pull the lever for the Democrat if you know what’s good for you. If Senator Obama loses there’ll be blood in the streets. Under these circumstances, a vote for McCain would be the height of irresponsibility.”

U.S. District Judge Ricardo Urbina ordered that 17 suspected Muslim terrorists be released from the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay and transported to the U.S. “The government has not proven that these men are terrorists,” Urbina ruled. “They are to be freed. Inasmuch as they originally were captured while on their way to the United States, military authorities are hereby ordered to assist them in the completion of what the prisoners have called their ‘mission from God.’” The judge said he had to include transportation to the U.S. because “no other country is willing to admit them.” Following an...

The economy is sick, and some may say it's near "death." Who do you call to diagnose its ills? One heck of a specialist! Read this "Geeks On Caffeine" cartoon and find out who the government is calling on for help! NOTE: The author of this comic requests that you visit his web site and please refrain from copying the comic within this thread. Thanks!

Elaborating on his theme that the Bush tax cuts and McCain’s proposed tax cuts are “welfare for the rich,” Democratic presidential nominee, Senator Barack Obama (Ill) sought to “reassure the working class that they have nothing to fear from an Obama Administration.” “My tax policy targets those who expropriate the labor surplus value to satisfy their own personal greed,” Obama explained. “If you are a worker or own a small business where you work alongside your employees, you will not be denied a reasonable share of the nation’s income. Only those who take more than they justly need from society’s...

An investigation into GOP vice-presidential nominee, Govern Sarah Palin’s firing of Commissioner of Public Safety, Walk Monegan, concluded that “Governor Palin’s firing of Commissioner Monegan was a proper and lawful exercise of her constitutional and statutory authority to hire and fire executive branch department heads.” “This does nothing to diminish the seriousness of the charges,” said CBS News anchor, Katie Couric. “The allegation that she was acting within her constitutional authority is a technicality. The fact remains, a man lost his job due to Ms. Palin’s actions. This raises questions about her sensitivity and judgment.”

The Internet suffers from both extreme ends of the same problem: grammar. Specifically, bad grammar. At the top I will absolutely admit that I am no king of grammar, no Grammy winning grammarian, so sometimes I misspell a word, or misplace a comma. Consequently, I am not coming to this argument as a grammar Nazi. On the other hand, I am not arguing the case of laze faire writing, either. I firmly believe that grammar is very important and every writer should strive to observe those rules and that those who lack adherence to them harm their credibility. The web...

Before the Age of globAL Warming, weather forecasting was still in its infancy. The art of weather predictions was conducted not by divinity school flunkouts and failed presidential candidates, but by meteorologists and scientists who adhered to the scientific method rather than falling prey to politically correct shammerific consensus.Those meteorologists were the forerunners of today's persons of the weather, and there are actually citizens of the world who wish the scientific methods and techniques such meteorologists developed could still be practiced today.Instead, the globAL Warming pioneer decided it was more politically (and monetarily) feasible to rely on a socialist, Alinsky-style...

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by. Today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations. Obituary Common Sense Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure...

The economy is on life support and near death! Who can help us?!? Who I ask you!?! Read today's "Geeks On Caffeine" and find out! NOTE: The author requests that you visit his web site and refrain from copying the cartoon within this thread. Thank you!

More charges of vote fraud were leveled at the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN) this week. The latest “isolated incident” emerged from the state of Ohio where the Board of Elections uncovered what it characterized as “widespread voter fraud” where individuals were registered multiple times. Earlier in the week, Nevada election officials discovered that ACORN had submitted bogus registrations, including names from the roster of the Dallas Cowboys football team. The week before, ACORN was caught submitting multiple registrations for the same persons in Missouri. In Indianapolis, more people are now registered to vote than live in...

It was revealed that Homer Simpson, noted slacker and goof-off on the hit TV show, The Simpsons, will be casting his vote for Obama on the episode that will air on November 2. “Obama cares about people like me,” Simpson says. “I haven’t been blessed with intelligence, a strong work-ethic, or sound moral judgment. But I have needs. An Obama Administration will make it easier for guys like me to get what we need.”

Dayton, OH—In what could only called as hypocritical behavior by the mainstream media, crowds at the latest Obama rally have called for a lynching of Gov. Sarah Palin, John McCain’s Vice Presidential running mate. The event occurred in Dayton during a stump speech by Sen. Barack Obama, D-IL. Obama blasted the McCain mortgage rescue plan as ‘idiotic.’ He claimed that banks wouldn’t take a loss, but taxpayers would take a loss, and that this was just another shifting position for McCain.

ACORN also helps register Romo and Simpson at Las Vegas Tiffany's. ACORN, the Association of Creative Organizing, Real or Not, said that fake Tony Romo stopped by the recently-raided office to show the staff an engagement ring he planned to give fake Jessica Simpson over Christmas. The group also said they're helping the couple register at Tiffany's and several other high-end Las Vegas stores. Both fake Romo and fake Simpson were registered to vote by the Las Vegas organization and plan on voting for Obama numerous times this election. "We don't mean to spoil his surprise," said Cletus Jones, political...

Presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill) confided to a close group of Democratic supporters that it has been revealed to him that he is a “symbol of hope for all mankind.” “The world has been stumbling in the darkness,” Obama proclaimed. “I am the doorway to a brighter future. I am the light of the world for these troubled times.” In support of his claim, the Illinois senator told of how “everywhere I go, the children sing my virtues. They have a wisdom untainted by a corrupt society. It is a model for the rest of humanity.” Obama said he...

In this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies you will get a sneak preview on how badly the DUmmies will panic when the polls start to tighten about a week before the election. Why am I so certain that the polls will tighten? Because they ALWAYS do when a Republican is supposedly behind in the polls. Right now the polls show Obama way ahead but how accurate are they? Probably not that accurate but right now the pollsters don't need to worry so much about accuracy. The time they will be extra careful to be accurate will be about a...

After Darth Vader names The Lord Humongous as his VP candidate, the press begins their questioning of the "Warrior of the Wasteland." The first question is an important one: What to do about rising oil prices and the Middle East. The Humongous's response is...NOT a puny one! NOTE: The author of this cartoon requests that readers visit his web site and refrain from pasting the cartoon within this thread. Thank you!

Ohio’s Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner (D) has ordered poll workers taking in early absentee ballots to bar Republican observers from scrutinizing the procedure. “I am a firm believer in a secret ballot,” Brunner said. “This can be better assured if there are no observers.” Ohio Republicans filed a lawsuit in the Ohio Supreme Court challenging Brunner’s order. Former Ohio Attorney General Jim Petro characterized Brunner’s conception as “flawed beyond sensibility.” “The point of a secret ballot is to prevent government authorities spying on who the voter is voting for,” Petro said. “It doesn’t mean that the process of accepting...

It's that time again ! Tricky Treats for Kitties,relationships and more !!

I consider myself a loyal conservative. I give money. I make an extra effort for the cause. I try to convert liberals. I argue with them on the major points. Heck, I even answered Rush Limbaugh’s call back in March and voted for Hillary here in the Texas Two-Step! But I’m telling you, they may find me passed out in the bathtub with an empty bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup come 7:00 pm, November 4th. My spouse has these two employees with whom we occasionally socialize outside of work. They’re hard-core liberals. They know I’m a conservative. We take every...

Just click right HERE. 74 joking one liners written in good humor by supporters of Sarah. Which are the best ones?

Campaign spokesman Bill Blatherskite cited Obama’s two-to-one financial advantage over the McCain campaign as evidence of “our broader base of support.” “The little people all over the world are scrimping so they can donate their last dollar to our cause,” boasted Blatherskite. “That there is such universal faith in Senator Obama shows that this election is truly epochal.” Over half the $425 million raised by the campaign has come from donors whose names have not been disclosed. This stands in contrast to the complete donor base that the McCain camp has put online. Blatherskite defended the secrecy as “essential.” “We...

Barack Obama was sworn into office as a United States Senator on January 4, 2005. He announced his candidacy for President of the United States on February 10, 2007. He had served two years of a six-year term. Congress had been in session 242 days between his first day in office and the day he announced his candidacy. I thought it might be interesting to see what Obama had to say during his first year in office. The following is a list of direct quotes from him in 2005. Beneath each quote, I’ve added my own perspective for your reading...

Knoxville, TN—In what could land David Kernell in prison for up to five years, the hacking of Sarah Palin’s email account is, like David Kernell, completely misunderstood. On Wednesday, Kernell was charged with one felony count of accessing a protected computer for allegedly breaking into the private Yahoo e-mail account of Sarah Palin, R-AK, cooking up his own original recipe. Kernell has plead not guilty to the charge, and noted that he will have his day in court. “My time will come to give my side of the story,” stated Kernell, a 20-year old University of Tennessee student. “I believe...

CBS News anchor, Katie Couric characterized Republican vice-presidential nominee, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as “dangerously uninformed and naïve.” “She doesn’t watch my show or any other major network news program,” Couric complained. “She doesn’t read the New York Times, Washington Post or any other respected daily newspaper. Her sources for news are something called the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman, the local Wasilla TV station KTUU, and, get this, some blog called Free Republic. Do the American voters want someone this far outside of the mainstream to be a heartbeat from becoming president?”

Boy, the way the Foo Fighters will play. Songs that hit the May Day parade.Reparations, we'll have to pay. Those will be the days.Build a bigger welfare state. Valerie Betinelli loses weight.Gee, our old Prius runs great. Those will be the days.You won't know who you'll be then. Girls marry girls and men marry men.Mister, we could use a man like Jimmy Carter again.People drugged to be content. Tax bracket starts at Fifty percent.Sorry it's too late to repent. Those will be the days. Take a little Sunday spin, Congress just outlawed sin.Productivity in the garbage bin.Those will be the...

CNBC will only show market gyrations from the waist up American economists say that economic mood swings indicate the country is facing a possible Great Manic Depression. The stock market has been up, down, down severely, up severely, down, up, and down and down again over the past 14 trading sessions. Market bottoms have been pronounced eight times, about the same amount of times that market experts pronounced that there was no bottom in sight. Glendale Snardley, an economist from the Greater Altoona Business School, said that market shows no signs of stabilizing. Charts are starting to resemble the thought...

Freudenschade, baby! This is a special edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. Instead of DUmmies or KOmmies or HUffies, we are focusing on Slate senior writer, Timothy Noah, who is so confident of Obama's "victory" in November that he jumped the gun and posted the not so hidden liberal agenda out in the open. You can read his Slate ARTICLE titled, "The New Complacency," as well as an ANALYSIS of that article over at NewsBusters. So let us now join honorary DUmmie Timothy Noah in mid-gloat as he is about to reveal WAY too much in Bolshevik Red while the...

The New York Times alleges that its “exhaustive” investigation failed to turn up any evidence that the relationship between Democratic presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama (Ill) and 1960s Weatherman terrorist William Ayers is or was a close one. “We could find no witnesses to attest that Obama and Ayers even held hands, much less kissed or had sex,” wrote Times reporter, Scott Shane. “No one ever saw them out on a date. There are no love letters. I’d have to say that these men are not close as I understand the term. The GOP claim that they are is clearly...

Little Freudian slip there Joey? From Breitbart. A sheriff who introduced Palin at a rally referred to the Democratic candidate as "Barack Hussein Obama." Biden, appearing Wednesday on CBS' "The Early Show," called Palin's remarks about Obama and Ayers "over the top." "You know, the idea here that somehow these guys are once again injecting fear and loathing into this campaign is ... I think it's mildly dangerous. I mean, here you have out there these kinds of, you know, incitements out there—guy introducing Barack using his middle name as if it's some epitaph or something," Biden said, apparently confusing...

When a candidate picks a running mate, usually they share a common political philosophy. So Darth Vader picked.... NOTE: The author of this comic requests that you visit his web site and refrain from copying the cartoon within this thread. Thank you!

An American Carol was certainly produced for the amusement of people with conservative political leanings. To deny that would be silly. And it certainly succeeds at that particular mission. If you can keep from laughing when terrorists in Afghanistan truck in a bunch of sombrero-wearing Mexicans to do “jobs the Taliban won’t do,” you’re either missing your funny bone or you listen to NPR a lot. The same goes for a cabal of college professors breaking into a musical number titled “1968,” in which they taunt horrified parents about how they intend to reward their hard-earned tuition dollars with four...